Separation and Divorce: The Dimensions of Conflict


ImageDealing with separation and divorce where the interests of the child are placed in the middle can be stressful and negative especially when the opposing parties are far from reaching an agreement. Conflicts arise more often than not because strong emotions brought on by resentments and broken relationships cloud any potential talks of possibly arriving at a mutual agreement. For the past seven years, arguments, demands, neglect, and negative emotions has been the only form of communication between my sister and her estranged husband. Unfortunately, I have been placed in the middle of each heated battle. The nature of the conflict is my sister leaving her abusive husband of 10 years and starting a new life with her children and supportive family. The husband holds great resentments and blames everyone but himself as to why he no longer has a family. The mother and two children live with me as I have become the second guardian. Although not divorced, the estranged husband refused to pay child support despite the number of agreements that have been made over a seven year period. Throughout the years, the husband has made verbal threats to me and the mother of his children. He has also engaged us in telephone and cyber-harassment. More recently, he has sought the help of his significant other to agitate and participate in the ongoing dispute of visitation and support for the children.

The conflict grew even stronger during the holidays with the mother’s strong assertion that her children will never be allowed in the presence of the estranged husband and live-in girlfriend. This is the decision of both the mother and me due in part because of the history of past visits that had a negative ending at the cost of the children’s safety. Despite the many arguments, neglect, and bad behavior of the father, the mother and I on many occasions conceited and allowed visitation. We thought that keeping the children away from their father is an unfair act regardless of the bad blood that the adults share. Upon learning the criminal background and history of child abuse of the live-in girlfriend and past neglects, an agreement by the mother and guardian was made. Visitation was no longer an option. We learned that while in their care, physical arguments coupled with police visits, visits by child protective services, and bodily harm were factors that contributed to the final decision and to the fuel that lit the fire in this ongoing dispute.

Emotions and behaviors are the triggers to this ongoing battle for the mere fact that the husband refuses to comply with the mother’s wishes. Constant bickering and harassment does not make the situation even better. The child misses his father and the father through his behavior neglects the child. Verbal abuse is not a positive way to get a point across and expecting feelings to alter by not addressing the concerns of the mother will not resolve the issue at hand. As of today, the father is forced to pay child support after seven years of neglect but does not see if his son because of his abusive behavior and involvement with a career criminal. He chooses to start a new family with the expectancy of entitlement with the old one. The mother stands firm in her decision to have supervised visitation and focuses on the well-being of her children.

Of the three dimensions of conflict, the behavioral variable posed most significant as a barrier to a resolution. The estranged husband’s behavior in this ongoing conflict is often if not always threatening and overpowering. His attitude is brash which leaves the relationship with others unrecoverable. The constant use of intimidation tactics with threats of lawyers and other outside source only solidifies his disdain for a mutual agreement. Controlling behaviors in hopes of getting one’s way many times leads to failure. The mother is left with the assumption that there will never be a positive change in the behavior of the husband. Therefore, a mutual agreement is distant if not non-approachable. The mother believes that she is the only one acting with the best interests of the child at heart.

On the other hand, emotional variables were also a barrier to a resolution in this conflict. The father often had temper tantrums and resorted to heated arguments filled with name calling and verbal threats. The underlying issues go unresolved and the disagreements between parties raise tensions even higher. The mother at times grew reluctant in wanting to communicate with her estranged husband due to the negative feelings incurred and remained distant. Settlement seems far from reach because of the attitudes and feelings in regards to this conflict. The differing opinion as well as the responses has tainted the views of all parties involved. The text tells us that emotional variables describe people’s attitudes about conflict and how they handle feelings. There must be an understanding of behaviors and interactions in hopes of arriving to some type of resolution. (Mayer, 2000)


How Does One Engage??

Engaging Conflict
There are several approaches to engaging in conflict as explained in the text. As defined by the text, “conflict may be viewed as occurring along cognitive (perception), emotional (feeling), and behavioral (action) dimensions”.(Mayer, p.4, 2000) Speakers utilize persuasive efforts in arguments to influence positive outcomes where conflicts exist. The approaches to engaging in conflict include the rights based, interest based, power, manipulated, and principle based. (Mayer, 2000).
A conflict arose on a predominately white small private college campus that was racially charged. Student’s civil rights were violated and handfuls were expelled without cause for voicing their concerns. On behalf of those violated and expelled students, a representative from the department of Justice argued in a very persuasive manner the rights and needs of the parties. There was no fairness in expelling students who spoke out against hate crimes on behalf of a victim of such crime. The act had been deemed immoral. A student discovered a noose in his dorm room and the culprits were not disciplined. The representative spoke to the president of the college and focused on what was right and what was clearly wrong. The speaker reminded the president that a certain standard must be upheld in all fairness and justice. Utilizing a principled-based approach produced a moral outcome where the expelled students were reenrolled at the cost of the university. The interests of the victims were also met with disciplinary actions taken against the initiators of the hate crime. Needs were asserted without argument but the main focus is directed more towards “what is the “right” thing to do.” (Mayer, 2000) Utilizing the manipulation approach in this instance would be acceptable if the victims had no representation or power in the conflict situation. Manipulation maybe is the only alternative to have other parties to confront the issue and meet the needs set forth.Image

Until There is Justice, We Must Continue to Fight for Justice!


Trayvon Martin Tribute Music Video

WASHINGTON D.C. ¾ Recognize and pay tribute to Trayvon Martin and his family by joining the music video shoot of “I Know That’s Right” by Big Chess. The video shoot will take place August 10, 2013 at Malcolm X Park in Washington D.C. Wear your hoodie, bring a bag of skittles, and be ready to be a part of a movement to promote justice. The crowd call begins at 9:00 a.m. and the crew call will begin at 7:30 a.m.

Malcolm X Park, also known as Meridian Hill Park, is located in the neighborhood of Columbia Heights in Northwest DC. The address is 2400 15th St NW, Washington, DC 20008.Image

For more details concerning events surrounding the music video follow Dynamic Legacy Production @DynamicLegacy2 Twitter Chester Reis Facebook @dynamiclegacy Instagram

Little Black Boy Scorned: Cry Wolf Why Don’t You!!!

Little Black Boy Scorned: Cry Wolf Why Don’t You!!!

This Means You

Let this delusional sociopath tell it, everyone is always picking on him. Please note that he waves his white flag after he listens to Jay Z and Kanye twenty times on repeat and decides to go HAM via text because he is having a loser day, just like the previous months full of loser days. When life is good he seems to slither his way in through text message and goes straight for the kill. What he didn’t know but now knows is that no one is listening to the dirty lies and scorned boy cries that come with a spit shower between his bucked yellow stained teeth. This embellisher constantly barks that no one can buy a house or car because he makes 69k but hasn’t had a valid driver’s license since 1999. I find it very funny how this bamma has moved six times in the past two years and is planning again. Don’t understand how a dude that lives in the scuzziest holes in the city has to rent rooms or rent in budgeted high rises in the hood. You should be rich Fruit Punch. He claims to be a Buddha but smokes weed and a list of other vices that would have him caned in some countries. For example:

 Scorned little boy sends text messages to estranged wife spilling the dirty laundry of the convicted felon and child abuser lover and porn cam girl on a daily basis with complaints about her children and how much he hates them.
 Scorned little boy seems to have a problem with his hands particularly putting them on women. (Domestic Violence)
 Scorned little boy gets fired from job for misuse of company assets. (Watching Porn)
 Scorned little boy steals laptops from job and passes them off as Christmas gifts for his children.
 Shows porn to minors
 Accused of mental and physical abuse by the children in his care
 Steals ideas from people on twitter and tries to sell them back to them three times its value
 Avoids child support by changing jobs and homes sporadically.
And if you don’t know the entire story, for good toilet reading see link below.

And the saga continues. Every time this deadbeat decides to harass, stalk, text, and manipulate his way into the realm of logical thinking beings, his convo is put into layman’s terms. It’s ridiculous and I know this but I wish this was a character in a cheap black exploitation D movie. Unfortunately this dumb donkey exists and seriously thinks that porn and ghetto mix. So this is yet another reaction to being itched by the cockroach from the deepest funky alley in the cut.

Why the third installment? He done did it again. The problem is that this deadbeat self-professed father of the year has done nothing for his son in years and is in his feelings. He decides to throw a temper tantrum by stomping his feet and beating his chest like someone is really taking him seriously. He has brought his 13 year old son no clothes, no socks, no nothing in more than two years and expects someone to just throw him on a bus by himself after he spends the night amongst a convicted child abuser and felon. Now this trick or treat sideline whore bullies 21 year olds on twitter has the nerve to call someone “thirsty”. I think she is a bit confused and accidentally spoke out loud about herself. This chick rolled her thunder thigh ass on a budget bus along with her sons all the way to DC to live with a bamma she barely knows. This thirsty trollop showed her ass, had penis in her ass and mouth while letting a skinny fraud producer video tape her on a clearance Samsung purchased at Radio Shack. Who is thirsty? The same donkey bitch that refused to feed your son when he was 11 while he nursed a broken finger. Yes people, a broken finger. Didn’t even go to the doctors and from the previous blog you can see what happened after that. For over a month the mother inquired about the logistics and was never told although the deadbeat promised his son 1k so he can be prepared for a summer trip. Upon finding out that there was no intention of any type of safety precautions taken, no clothes, no money for his son, no logistics, the trip is out of the question. What mother would allow her son to be subject to the same if not worse neglect that this sick excuse for a man has shown before?

To put it bluntly, this fool is a bitch ass. The mother even tried to mediate through another family member and when they contacted Fruit Punch aka blkpoppie_187 aka Sam, all he did was whine about being left outside with his clothes gathered nicely in a trash bag as a result of a protection order. But let this gump tell it, he is the victim. I believe his trick junkyard mutt of a girlfriend is a victim because he sets her up every time to step out of her lane and get clipped. MsMochaXXXstacy twitter cam prostitute always jumps in the street all to get run over. The convict does not know to mind her business. Maybe she believes she is relevant in any situation concerning someone else’s child because she can’t keep up with her own nor stay out of handcuffs because of her abusive and negative ways. Fall back you low level smut private home video pushers. Your extensive public records combined should be enough of your troubles. Leaving threatening messages of harmful intentions is not wise but we aren’t in the company of wise men in reference to this character. The constant makeshift threat of having your sisters handle your business through violence sounds very inviting proving a successful outcome which will not be in your favor chump. I understand what makes angry the most. The fact that every word in this reaction note is fact to your fiction and you cannot deny a single word of it. It is also the fact that you know every word that escapes your flapping gums is a big fat dirty little lie to mask the truth. You suck and you’re dirty little bull dog of a girlfriend does too. Until the next time you step out there. There’s stacks upon stacks of wretchedness these two oh so love to do. They leave an extensive paper trail.

And for your viewing pleasure……. All available through Google.

Child Abuse-Public Record

Check Fraud


as he throws you on the floor

you wind up on all fours

each others body they explore

upon finding intercourse

exhaling loud roars

hoping you locked the door

condoms gone, but u find more

from one to ten

you get the highest score

neva felt like that before

penetrating to my deepest core

that is what man was created for

for a woman to scream out…..

I’m Yours!!

Written 2003

by monique dillard